The secret of long in relationship

The secret of long in relationship

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Romantic moment tips

Romantic moment tips

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Women in first date

1. Relax. Don’t put pressure on yourself to be witty, smart or alluring. Don’t get caught up in the version of yourself you wish you were. He wants to date the real you.

2. Dress smart. First impressions matter, yes, but so does comfort. Don’t wear heels to a picnic date, for example. Pick an outfit that makes you feel great, look great, doesn’t reveal too much and is age-appropriate.

3. Show respect. Show up on time, be polite to the waitstaff, and give your date your undivided attention. (Don’t worry. If you don’t hit it off, you don’t have to date him again. But while you’re on the date, show off your social etiquette skills.)

4. Turn off your phone. Your friends and Twitter followers are not invited on the date.

5. Let him lead. If he wants to pay, let him pay. (Note: If you offer to split the bill, be prepared to actually split the bill. Don’t play games.) Remember that he’s likely nervous and is trying to figure out first-date rules, too. You’ll have plenty of time in the future to figure out gender-role stuff if you develop a relationship. In the meantime, respect his wishes to lead. Let him follow up after the date, too.

6. Be decisive. Hemming and hawing all night — “I don’t know, what do you think? What do you want to do? It’s your call.” — isn’t attractive. If your date gives you options, pick one.

7. Be present. Show interest in your date and be an active listener. Don’t let it be all about you. (If you talk non-stop when you’re nervous, try to be aware of this and intentionally refocus the conversation on him.)

8. Address the elephant in the room. If something feels awkward, if you wish you could take back something you said, or if your mind just went blank and you can’t remember your mom’s name, speak up. By acknowledging that your brain just failed you, you’ll be breaking the ice and making him more comfortable, too.

9. Establish boundaries. Be careful to not share too much on a first date. This isn’t an arranged marriage; you’ll have second and third dates to share more. Be clear about physical boundaries if he’s over-eager. Sex on a first date is never, ever a good idea.

10. Don’t drink too much. A glass of wine is fine, but try to get to know each other sober. You can always drink on your honeymoon.

Know The Mistakes That Will Broke Your First Date

Going on a first date can feel like walking a tightrope: You’re trying to impress her without coming on too strong—or worse, looking desperate.

As a result, lots of guys wind up making the same mistakes. A new survey by activity-planning site Vimbly identified the top pitfalls that turn women off. Some of them might seem trivial, but let’s face it: It’s a first date. You don’t get a lot of leeway to mess things up when there’s no established relationship.

Here’s how to avoid the 13 common missteps in the survey so you can ace your first impression—and schedule a second date before the waiter brings out dessert.

(And to nail your first impression everywhere else, check out 13 Insanely Simple Ways to Be More Likable.)

 
1. Keep Your Hands to Yourself
 
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1. KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF
You might think that touching her a lot on the first date shows that you’re into her. Not the case, says relationship expert April Masini of AskApril.com. What you’re actually showing her is that you’re super-touchy on every first date. Way to make a girl feel special, right?

Avoid the pitfall: “On a first date, touch should be limited and only natural, friendly, and warm—not sexual,” says Carole Lieberman, M.D., author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets. In other words, it’s fine to take her hand to help her out of your car, or put your hand on her lower back to lead her through a crowded restaurant. But don’t drape your arm around her neck and hold her close the entire time.

 
2. Speak Up
 
 
2. SPEAK UP
Maybe you like to think of yourself as the strong, silent type—but all she sees is a guy who’s either emotionally closed off or super boring, Masini says. She may not mind coaxing you out of your shell, but you have to give her something to work with.

Avoid the pitfall: There’s only so much to talk about over dinner. “Invite her to do something you know a lot about, and are passionate about, like a baseball game or a concert with your favorite band,” Dr. Lieberman says. “You’ll have lots to say.”

 
3. Don’t Be Cheap
 
 
3. DON’T BE CHEAP
There’s a huge difference between being frugal and being cheap, Masini says. “Frugal” is scheduling a lunch date instead of a dinner date, but “cheap” is telling her she can’t order dessert. “If you’re cheap with money, you’re probably cheap with emotions and possibly in bed, too,” she says. “This is not the impression you want to give.”

Avoid the pitfall: The easiest way to save money—without looking miserly—is to plan the date yourself, and only take her to places where you know you can afford the dessert menu. Or get creative: A hiking trip is more fun than dinner and doesn’t cost anything. (Just don’t advertise that you’re taking her hiking because you don’t want to pay for food.)

 
4. Make It a Two-Way Conversation
 
 
 
4. MAKE IT A TWO-WAY CONVERSATION
Sure, you have to tell her about yourself, but dominating the conversation by rambling about your life will make you look narcissistic. Or worse: By not showing any interest in her, it can seem like you’re just waiting for the date to be over so you can get her into bed, Dr. Lieberman says.

Avoid the pitfall: What will impress her even more than learning about your accomplishments is seeing that you’re genuinely interested in hearing abouther. If you’re not sure where to start, her job is usually a good bet. “Women love knowing that you take their work and ambitions seriously,” Dr. Lieberman says. “Ask her about what made her go into her career, and what she plans or wants to accomplish. Find out why it’s important to her.”

 
5. Handle Your Liquor
 
 
 
5. HANDLE YOUR LIQUOR
Getting drunk on a first date doubles your chances of looking like a fool—and raises a major red flag, Dr. Lieberman says. She won’t know if you just guzzled your whiskey to ease your first-date jitters or if you hit the bottle too hard every night.

Avoid the pitfall: “Guys drink too much when they’re nervous,” Dr. Lieberman says. To slow yourself down, have some food, alternate your alcoholic beverages with water, and go for drinks you know you can’t guzzle. Or try a beer with a low ABV: Bud Select 55, Miller 64, and Beck’s Premier Light are all under 2.8 percent—and decently tasty.

 
6. Ditch the Heavy Talk
 
 
 
6. DITCH THE HEAVY TALK
You probably just want her to get to know the real you. But don’t dive right into the darkest moments of your past. Nobody wants to be brought down by another person—especially when you don’t know each other well yet, says Dr. Lieberman. Remember: First dates are about having fun.

Avoid the pitfall: First, make sure you’re actually ready to date—and not stuck in past relationship drama, says Masini. If you’re ready to get out there but feeling kind of down, skip quiet dates like coffee or museums and go straight for activities like dancing or ice skating.

How to make good at relationship

1. Do the things you did the first year you were dating.

As the months and years roll on, we tend to slink into our proverbial sweatpants and get lazy in our relationship. We lose our patience, gentleness, thoughtfulness, understanding and the general effort we once made toward our mate. Think back to the first year of your relationship and write down all the things you used to do for your partner. Now start doing them again.

2. Ask for what you want.

Over time, we assume that our partner knows us so well that we don’t need to ask for what we want. What happens when we make this assumption? Expectations are set and just as quickly, they get deflated. Those unmet expectations can leave us questioning the viability of our partnership and connection. Keep in mind that “asking for what you want” extends to everything from emotional to sexual wants.

 

3. Become an expert on your partner.

Think about who your mate really is and what excites him or her (both physically and emotionally). We can become consumed by what WE THINK he/she wants, as opposed to tuning in to what truly resonates with the other person. Remember that if it’s important to your partner, it doesn’t have to make sense to you. You just have to do it.

4. Don’t ask “how was your day.”

At the end of a long day, we tend to mentally check out of our lives and consequently, our relationship. We rely on the standard question, “How was your day?” Generally, that boring question will yield a boring answer such as, “Fine, how was yours?” This does nothing to improve your connection and instead, can actually damage it because you’re losing the opportunity to regularly connect in a small way.

Instead, try asking things like, “What made you smile today?” or “What was the most challenging part of your day?” You’ll be amazed at the answers you’ll get, with the added benefit of gaining greater insight into your significant other.

5. Create a weekly ritual to check in with one another.

It can be short or long but it begins with asking each other what worked and didn’t work about the previous week and what can be done to improve things this coming week. Additionally, use this opportunity to get on the same page with your schedules, plan a date night and talk about what you would like to see happen in the coming days, weeks, and months in your relationship. Without an intentional appointment to do a temperature check, unmet needs and resentments can build.

6. Keep it sexy.

What might change in your relationship if both you and your partner committed to increasing the behaviors you each find sexy and limiting those that aren’t? Think about this in the broadest form. “Sexy” can certainly refer to bedroom preferences, but it also represents what excites us about our mate in our day-to-day lives. Do you find it sexy if he/she helps with the housework? Do you find it “unsexy” when he/she uses the restroom with the door wide open? Talk about what it specifically means to “keep it sexy” in your relationship. Be amazed, be humored, be inspired!

7. Get creative about the time you spend together.

Break out of the “dinner and a movie” routine and watch how a little novelty can truly rejuvenate your relationship. On a budget and can’t go big? Jump on the internet to look for “cheap date ideas” and be blown away at the plethora of options. Can’t afford a sitter? Try swapping babysitting time with friends that have kids. It’s free and they will likely be thrilled to take your kids because they will get to take advantage when they drop their kids at your place.

8. Get it on.

Unless you have committed to an asexual partnership, sex, sexual contact and touching (kissing, holding hands, cuddling etc.) are vital components of a romantic relationship. The frequency is of course, up to you and it’s imperative that you discuss your ideas about it in order to prevent resentment. Rare are the moments when both partners are “in the mood” at the exact same second, but that doesn’t mean that you have to decline their advances. Remind yourself that you will almost always “get there” after the first few minutes and that an intimate interaction of any kind builds connection and elevates your mood and health. Bear in mind that you are never required to say “yes.” If you truly don’t feel it, the best thing you can do is to postpone. Just make sure that you initiate or accept within a reasonable amount of time thereafter.

9. Take a (mental) vacation, everyday.

Life and work distractions can become paramount in our minds and that leaves little time or energy for our partner. Practice the art of “Wearing the Relationship Hat.” This means that (barring any emergencies or deadlines), we are fully present when we’re with our mate. We truly hear what they are saying (instead of pretending to listen), we leave our distractions behind and we don’t pick them up again until the sun comes up and we walk out the door.

Some tips to improve communication

Sadly, we aren’t born with the innate ability to effectively communicate but it doesn’t mean that we can’t learn. Use the following techniques to better navigate and limit the tension in your relationship:

10. Take “fight breaks” when you need them.

Before you’ve hit the point of no return and as you see the stress beginning to escalate, one or both of you can call a break so that cooler heads can prevail. The crux of this tool lies in the fact that you must pick a specific time to revisit the conversation (I.e. 10 minutes from now, 2:00pm on Tuesday etc.) so that closure can be achieved.

11. Dig deep to unearth your true feelings.

In most disagreements, we communicate from the “Top Layer,” which are the obvious emotions such as anger, annoyance and the like. Leading from this place can create confusion, defensiveness and ultimately distract from the real issue. Start communicating from the “Bottom Layer” (i.e. What feelings are really driving your reactions such as disappointment, rejection, loneliness, disrespect etc.).

This type of expression creates an instant sense of empathy because it requires honesty and vulnerability to share from this space. Tension will dissipate and from here, solutions can spring. Just be sure to use kind, non-reactive phrasing when expressing these bottom layer feelings, such as “I felt hurt by…” as a replacement for “You’re such a jerk” etc.

12. Seek to understand … not agree.

Easy in concept, difficult in application. Conversations quickly turn to arguments when we’re invested in hearing our partner admit that we were right or when we are intent on changing his/her opinion. Choose to approach a conversation as an opportunity to understand your significant other’s perspective as opposed to waiting for them to concede. From this perspective, we have an interesting dialogue and prevent a blow out or lingering frustration.

13. Make your apology count.

It’s well understood that apologizing is a good thing but it only makes a real impact when you mean it. Saying things like “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry you see it that way” are a waste of time and breath. Even if you don’t agree that your action was wrong, you will never successfully argue a feeling.

Accept that your mate feels hurt and from this place, a real apology can have a significant impact. When you love your partner and hurt them (intentionally or not) you can always legitimately apologize for the pain you caused regardless of your perspective on what you did or didn’t do.

You are now, officially armed with the comprehensive exercise routine to fully reshape your relationship. Trim the fat and build your hottest relationship for life!

The Guide Long Distance Relationships and Especially For a Guy

stranger who will knock you off your feet. After that dizzying first encounter, the two of you will stay up all night talking. You’ll share romantic walks, hand in hand in the moonlit surf (until the scary meth addict on the beach starts chasing you). You’ll get a glimpse into one another’s lives, loves, and hopes. Then, all too quickly, it’s time to head to the airport. The holiday romance comes to an abrupt end. It’s utter torture. “Why does he have to live in another city/state/country? God, Mom, it’s so unfair!”

You savor the last night of passion together, stress over the long, drawn-out farewell, and force a solitary tear from your eye just to prove to him that, dammit, this really meant something! Then, at the last moment, you have an epiphany! “Maybe we can make this work! Maybe we can have a long-distance relationship that lasts until our separate lives collide and we can live in eternal bliss, together.” If you have made it this far, you’re either riding high on endorphins or you might have actually found the one. Either way, here are a few tips to keeping it together long enough to find out:

    • Purchase cleaning wipes in bulk. Typing and Skyping with lubey fingers will only lead to damaged keys and smudged screens. You don’t want to explain to the Geek Squad why your laptop keeps sliding out of their hands — to say nothing of what can be found on your hard drive.
  • Don’t analyze every photo of him on Facebook. That image of your new beau being led around on a leash at the leather festival in the gimp mask and ball gag might be entirely innocent.
  • Encourage him to send erotic photos of himself, and be sure to return the favor. Agree that all photos will be deleted after they have been used for their “purpose.” Unless, that is, he is a member of GOProud, in which case, save them for later public humiliation. Consider these photos a bigger bus than the one he will eventually try to throw you under. (Sorry, I have issues with these people.)
  • Keep in mind that geographical separation is often accompanied by differences in time. Failure to consider this may result in unanticipated bitchiness. No one wants a call at 5 a.m. asking, “Whatcha doin’?” in a cutesy voice. It disturbs dreams of shagging Jason Stackhouse then stealing his shirts and will only lead to arguments later.
  • Never text when drunk, as autocorrect and predictive text can be a hazard.One inconvenient correction can be dismissed as a mistake, but sequential messages of “Bash your hard coal on my face,” and “I can’t wait to ride your coal again” don’t make sense, at best, and at worst, they make it look like you have some sort of fetish for Welsh miners.
  • Choose a tune that you consider “your song” to serve as a musical reminder of your love. Then immediately play it to death until the words lose all meaning. In 10 years, if all goes well, it could be your wedding song. But in the unfortunate event that the relationship has ended, when it comes over the speakers in Nordstrom, you can drop to the floor in dramatic fashion and weep about the one who got away. Then wait for the discounts from the empathetic sales staff.
  • Don’t get too irate when you can’t reach him. I know it’s hard not to assume the very worst when there has been no contact for more than 10 whole minutes, but chances are he’s busy. Or maybe he’s just at the park having a delightful picnic with an anchorman’s boyfriend. (I love you, Andy! Call me.)
  • Don’t let your single friends’ opinions drive you into thinking this won’t work.They will crucify you for not being available to go cruising with them. If they can’t find love, happiness, and companionship with a headless torso 236-plus feet away, who the hell are they to judge you?
  • The one who travels to the other should have first pick of position. It’s only polite and really should be universally observed gay etiquette.
  • Value the precious times you get to spend visiting the city he calls home. If you run into one of his ex-boyfriends while you’re out, remain calm, polite, and friendly. Resist the urge to scream, “He told me all about that thing you like to do, and I think you’re a freak!” You also won’t make yourself look good by pointing and calling anyone “Jack Nasty!”

Your ex boyfriend will be back

He told me he loves me, but felt like I was smothering him and he needed to find himself. I told him I would give him space while he figured things out but he said he couldn’t ask me to do that. I asked if there was a chance for us once he got things sorted and he said he isn’t sure if he sees a future. He said he worships the ground I walk on and should never change because I was perfect in the relationship and will go far in life whereas he feels like he has nothing to offer since he is grieving and stuck in a job he doesn’t like.

He suggested we stay friends but I told him that would be too hard on me and he said I can contact him anytime. I know I came across needy over the last couple of months and am wondering if there’s anything I can do to get him back. Should I text him? Try to stay friends? Is there any hope of getting him back?

I can relate to both your situation and his.

I remember, years ago, when I was extremely unhappy with my job and a few other areas of my life. I was dating a woman who really was a great girlfriend, but I was totally not in the right place to be in a relationship.

 

The fact is… when men don’t feel like they’re “winning” at life or that life is good, they want to shrink away and withdraw from the world.  Men want to mentally work out whatever is bothering them, solve it, and then they’ll re-emerge, ready to conquer the world.

Men don’t want an audience for this. I can tell you firsthand that when people try to probe why I am being distant, it feels very invasive to me and I withdraw even further.

That doesn’t mean I think the person “probing” is a bad person or that they have a bad intent.  It’s more like I don’t want to feel exposed and vulnerable while I’m already in pain.

All I want is to quietly solve the problem by myself.  I don’t want to be coddled.  I don’t want to be reassured. And I definitely don’t want to be pitied.

I do want the woman I’m with to be OK though; I don’t want her to worry or be upset.  And I don’t want her to see me as anything less than the man that I aspire to be – the man that I am when I’m at my best.

So with all that in mind, you could sum it up by saying:  I want her to give me space and I want her to be OK while she’s giving me space.

What exactly does it mean to “give the guy space”?

All it means is that you trust that everything is going to work out for the best.  It means that you allow yourself to feel OK instead of feeling nervous, worried, or frantic. It means you take on the belief that things always work out exactly as they should andabandon the idea that you canmake things work out how you want them to…

The truth is, everything always works out as it should, but sometimes this can be hard to see in the day-to-day experience of life.

We can’t control other people. We can’t make them do what we want them to do.

There’s no amount of analyzing, probing or searching for signs your ex-boyfriend still loves you that will give you relief over worrying what they might or might not do…

The truth about people is that everyone is always going to do whatever they want to do, so it’s in your best interest to surround yourself with people who do what you want without any effort on your part.

Moreover, it’s in your best interest to live your life in a way that brings youhappiness in your moment-to-moment existence without effort… and abandon any perspective or pursuit that has you feeling crappy in your moment-to-moment experience in service of some imagined better future.

Another thing that you have to realize is: Neediness is a mindset.

What I mean by this is that if you take on a certain perspective, you are guaranteed to act needy.  And if you take on a different perspective, you will never act needy.

MORE: How to Redeem Yourself After Acting Needy

What’s the deadly mindset/perspective that will guarantee you act needy?  It’s believing that you could “lose something” or that something could happen that would create a “lack of something” in your life.

At the heart of it, it’s the feeling offear of loss.

When you believe that you could lose something, you’ll instinctively shrink inside and it will take the wind out of your sails. That feeling does not feel good, and the source of it is how you’re thinking about your situation, it’s your perspective.

The fact is, relationships are not “things” that you could lose or gain. They are not objects like a stone or purse or car.Relationships happen in-the-moment, as they’re happening.

Relationships are like music. You could have 100,000 songs on your iPod, but if you’re not playing any of the songs… you’re not hearing any music. In that same way, your relationship is exactly what it is in the moment that you’re with that person, experiencing that person and interacting with that person.

You don’t have a relationship… you experience it in the moment you’re with the person.

 

So you can’t “get it back” because there’s no thing to get.  In another sense, you already have a relationship with him… your relationship with him is what it is.

Relationship “titles” are meaningless.  It is only the quality of experience that matters and the quality of your experience is determined by your perspective and mood.

So, to answer your questions about what to do and if you can get him back…

If you want your relationship to improve with this guy… if you want to “get him back,” so to speak, this is what you need to do:

First, recognize that you are single right now.

It is counter-intuitive, but when women fixate on a guy (and worse, a specific outcome with a guy), they are destroying their mood and ability to be attractive.

When you take on the perspective of, “I need this guy to be this specific way with me… or else I won’t be happy,” then you set yourself up for tremendous unhappiness.

You see, that style of thinking is completely backwards and it will drive the guy away.

Why?  Well, it’s simple: Men are attracted to women who are happy (not feeling like they are unhappy unless they “get” specifically what it is that they want).

Men are attracted to women who have the vibe of being OK (not anxious, worried, hostile, upset, etc.).

Men are attracted to women who have the vibe of being enthusiastic (not insecure, pessimistic, negative, etc.).

So what does this have to do with recognizing that you’re single (and why should this be something to be very happy about)?

You should be happy recognizing that you’re single because it means you can have limitless options. It means that you are not imprisoned in a reality where you can’t be happy unless you get a very, very specific outcome with one particular person.

MORE: Everything You Need to Know to Get Your Ex Back 

When you fixate on a specific outcome with a specific person, you ruin your attractive vibe since you can’t be happy unless you have the outcome you want… and every moment you’re unhappy you push the guy further and further away.

When you let go of the idea that you need things to work out a certain way, then you cut off that poisonous negative cycle.

Instead of making a specific outcome your goal, make happiness your goal.  Be open to the idea that your happiness, enthusiasm and enjoyment of life is the most attractive thing in the world to men.

And be open to the idea that if you are tremendously happy in your own life as a single person, the perfect guy will appear and he will lock you down in the relationship you’ve always wanted… because being around you feels so good, he can’t imagine living his life without you.

A man gets into a relationship with a woman who makes his life feel better than it did without her in it.  Men marry women because they want to feel that good forever.

MORE: How Do I Get Him to Marry Me?

This is great news for you because the path to being that kind of women is very simple – follow all that makes you feel happy in the moment… cut off and drop all that does not make you feel happy.

This goes for thoughts, habits, situations, circumstances, activities, environments, and relationships with other people.

When you live your life in line with what makes you happy, your attractiveness will shine through.  The more happy you are, the more attractive you’ll be to guys.

The bottom line is that when you drop your fixation on getting the guy back, you free yourself up to becoming happy… and thus, becoming tremendously attractive to men.

Successful on First Dating for a Men

She said yes. Now what? As you prep for Friday night’s date, here are some tips and reminders to help make that first date a success.

10 first date tips just for men:

1. Plan it. Have an answer for when and where the date will be. Try to pick a location that’s comfortable and conducive to conversation. While movie dates are popular, they’re not great for first dates as you’ll both be staring at a screen all night. If the idea of staring at her from across a table all night intimidates you, choose an interactive date. Even if you have nothing in common, you can at least laugh about your poor mini-golf skills together.

2. Pay. Even if she offers, insist on paying for the date — especially if you initiated the date in the first place. As a couple, you’ll figure out how to split and cover bills later. But for now, pick up the check.

3. Be confident. She already said yes. She wants to be there.

4. Dress to impress. You don’t need to wear a suit and tie to the local pub, but it wouldn’t hurt to brush your teeth and put on a shirt that doesn’t look slept in.

5. Be on time. And be gracious if she’s fashionably late. (She probably just doesn’t want to show up before you get there.)

6. Be attentive. Ask great questions. Listen. Smile.

7. Use compliments appropriately. She likely put some effort into her look for you, so offer her a compliment or two. Avoid a never-ending list of praise — it can get overwhelming — or comments that sound too sexual. “Beautiful” is better than “smokin’.”

8. Prove that chivalry is not dead. Sure, she’s an independent woman. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t open the door for her.

9. Say goodnight. Don’t let the evening end with a fizzle. Be intentional about saying goodbye, and initiate one of the following: a handshake, hug, or kiss. Don’t leave her standing there awkwardly at the end of the night.

10. Follow up. Ignore those three-day rules. If you had a great time, let her know the next day.

Conversation Tips For Your Date

What makes a conversation pleasant?

And what makes it a bore?

When it comes to first dates, there’s nothing that can impress your date better than the first few minutes of charming conversation.

The perfect first date conversation starters can make or break your first date, and more often than not, you may not even realize it.

[Read: 14 signs you’re ruining your first date without even realizing it!]

How to perfect your first date conversation

A first date helps you judge the person you’re meeting, and evaluate them as a dating potential over the long term.

There are a few people who always find it very easy to impress all their dates, all the time.

On the other hand, there are a few other people who always seem to fail miserably at making a great first impression no matter how hard they try.

Ever wondered what it takes to impress someone within the first few minutes?

[Read: The perfect things to talk about within the first few minutes of the date]

20 first date conversation tips to charm your date

Impressing a date takes more than just words. The way you behave and treat the person you’re with on a date can play a big part too.

Use these 20 ways to better your conversation and you’ll definitely leave your date feeling warm and happy.

#1 Start the date well. Pick a date spot that both of you would like, and make sure you arrive on time. Be warm and courteous while talking, and make sure you address your date by their name a few times within the first ten minutes to make the date feel more personal. [Read: 15 things you definitely need to do on a date to make it perfect]

#2 Smile. Smiling is a great way to cut the awkwardness of the first date. Smile often, and your date will feel more relaxed and comfortable around you immediately.

#3 Like your date. If you’re eager to meet you date or are excited to see them, make sure it shows. Feel positive about the date, and the person you’re meeting will feel positive around you too. Remember, positive energy always attracts positive energy.

#4 Remember your manners. Treat your date with respect and remember to be courteous and kind during the date. It’s completely acceptable to goof up or slip up once in a while, just as long as you shrug the accident off with a laugh instead of appearing nervous or awkward. In fact, a silly slip up can actually make the evening more fun and memorable. [Read: 12 important dating rules for classy men and women]

#5 Things to talk about. During the first conversation, avoid asking about their past relationships or their future plans. Both of you aren’t dating yet, so asking questions that are too personal too early into the date can make you appear nosy or intrusive.

Ask the right questions though, and your date will open up to you and may even fall for you before the end of the date. [Read: 40 perfect first date questions to warm your date up]

#6 Flatter in moderation. Be generous with your compliments. When you appreciate the effort your date took to dress up and look good for you, they’d warm up better towards you. But always learn to be genuine about compliments, without going overboard or overly personal.

#7 Positive words. Be positive when you meet your date and use positive words during the date. Look around the restaurant and tell your date what you like about the place, or tell your date how glad you are to spend time with them. When you see the positive side in everything around you, your optimism will make you seem more attractive.

#8 Common grounds. While conversing with your date, try to find something both of you like or dislike within the first fifteen minutes. Bitch about something both of you hate, or talk excitedly about something both of you love. Finding the passionate common ground will help both of you realize just how common both your likes and dislikes are. [Read: 15 obvious flirting signs between a guy and a girl]

#9 Touch appropriately. Place your hand on the table and lean towards your date almost all throughout the date. It’s a subtle sign that you’re trying to come closer to them. If your date likes you back, they too may lean forward while talking to you.

Unless your date leans in or tries to get closer to you, avoid reaching out and touching them unnecessarily. But if your date does lean in towards you now and then, place your palm on their palm occasionally while trying to emphasize a point. It’s the perfect way to start the game of touchy flirting. [Read: The subtle art of discreetly flirting by touch]

#10 Eye contact. If you’re having a great time with your date, you can’t help but open your eyes wide with excitement. While speaking with your date, hold a strong gaze and nod casually when they say something. It shows that you’re completely focused on them, and aren’t distracted during the date.

#11 Body language. Be aware of your body when you’re sitting across the table or next to your date. Don’t fidget or rock your body forward and backward, and don’t nod your head forever like you’ve got a spring for your neck. Sit back comfortably and move gracefully, be it while stepping away from the table or while reaching across the table. [Read: 10 ways to be more graceful and elegant on a date]

#12 Be decisive. Indecisiveness is a definite turn off for everyone. It may be cute now and then, but on a first date, taking too long to order food, deciding the wine, or contemplating aloud about what to order for several minutes is a definite sign of annoyance. [Read: Top 10 biggest turn offs for all girls on a date]

#13 Speak clearly. A woman’s voice is naturally higher pitched than a man’s, but irrespective of the gender, don’t be loud or brash. Speak softly and clearly in a relaxed manner without mumbling. The softer you speak, the calmer and more relaxed your date will feel. And a pleasantly soft voice will make you appear romantic and caring too.

#14 Watch the reactions. Keep an eye on your date’s behavior. You may assume you’re having an interesting conversation but your date may feel otherwise. If your date seems to be looking around the room, shuffling their feet, staring blankly at you or in any way distracted, talk about something else, or wrap your statement up quickly and discreetly, laugh awkwardly and use the time tested line, “I’m talking too much… why don’t you tell me something…?”

#15 Gesticulate. Gestures are a great way to show your excitement in a conversation. And they also subtly draw the person you’re having a conversation with right into the conversation. Just avoid being overly dramatic while swaying your hands around though, and restrict your hand movements to within half a feet on either side of your body during the first date.

#16 Don’t hog the conversation. Don’t interrupt or speak at length about the same topic unless your date adds their point of view about the same topic frequently. Keep your sentences short, so your date gets to respond or add their own point of view often. The shorter your lines *around a minute at a stretch is good enough unless you’re telling an anecdote*, the more interactive the evening would start to feel. [Read: 20 sure signs of attraction in a first conversation]

#17 Disagree respectfully. In every conversation, there are bound to be differences in opinions. If your date disagrees on something, don’t try to prove a point with a clenched fist on the table. Laugh about it, express your view lightheartedly and try to steer the conversation in another direction. And if the disagreement does last for over a minute, you’ve already taken it too far.

#18 Don’t be afraid of silence. If you feel comfortable instead of feeling awkward during a quiet moment, your date will feel relaxed too. Just smile and look around, or get back to finishing your meal instead of mumbling nervously just to fill the gaps in the conversation. You need to remember that silence too is a part of the conversation.

#19 Tease and be playful. A playful nature is one of the most attractive traits in a person, especially on a date. Laugh, share a funny real life experience, and don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself now and then. A good sense of humor can definitely help you impress your date during your first date conversation and make the evening more fun and interesting.

#20 End the date well. Ending the date warmly and memorably is just as important as the first few minutes of the date. As long as you end the evening in a memorable manner, you’ll leave your date thinking fondly of you.

Good impression on your Dating

Pick the perfect outfit.

You want him to open the door and think, Wow!—but without looking like you’re trying too hard. Strike the balance by pairing your cutest jeans with an off-the-shoulder tee or a strappy tank—something that shows just a touch more skin than usual. (He’ll definitely notice!) Give yourself an extra 30 minutes to get ready, so you don’t have to rush or make him wait. 

Give a quick and cool hello.

Even if you and your guy talk all the time, the first moment of a Real Date is nerve-racking — so much buildup! Keep your cool and calm his jitters by giving him a warm hi and a quick hello hug.

Then make a joke that acknowledges the weirdness (“Full disclosure: I changed three times!”) — it will diffuse any pressure. (If he honks from your driveway, wave him in for just a minute while you grab your purse and jacket.)

Keep the convo moving.

Your instinct may be to ask a bunch of questions to get him to open up, but that can feel like a college admissions interview. Instead keep the convo moving by making funny observations. (“Do you ever accidentally make eye contact with the people stopped next to you at a red light? I hate that!”) Don’t worry about silences — you can always default to talking about what’s playing on his iPod. Since he picked the music, he’ll have stuff to say about it.

Offer to split the check.

If you think he might pick up the check or don’t know how much food to order, ask him what he’s getting and choose a dish around the same price. When the check comes, offer to split it. If he really insists on paying, thank him and say you’ll buy him ice cream next!

 

At the end of the night, bring up something you talked about earlier.

If you want to go out again, let him know by bringing up something you talked about earlier (“So when do I get to beat you at Guitar Hero?”). Ready for a kiss? Don’t rush out of the car when he drops you off — move closer to him and keep eye contact. If it’s on his mind too, he’ll lean in!

 

Wait for him to text you.

Play it cool and let him reach out to you: Texting first can seem overeager. If he’s interested in you, you’ll probably hear from him by the end of the day. In the meantime, enjoy the rush you get after an awesome date — it’s exciting to know anything could happen next!

How to make your ex boyfriend back

It doesn’t matter who broke up and why, you want him back no matter what. How do you get him back? What works, what doesn’t and why? Make sure you don’t mess up, or he might never want to hear about you again, let alone get back together. Here are 7 tips to help you make him love you more than ever.

There’s a reason he’s your ex-boyfriend, and your job is to erase that reason out of his memory – forever. He’s out there, dating other women with more or less success. Is he still thinking about you, does he still love you; does he also want to get back together?

Who knows! Maybe he does, maybe not. Either way, you want to hook up again because you’ve realized you still love him. Every other guy you meet can’t match his qualities and this just makes you go insane. Every date you go on with some new guy seems boring and shallow, you find yourself comparing him to your ex and this makes you feel even worse.

It’s time to get THAT guy back into your life.

But how?

Smack him over the head with a brick, throw him in the trunk of your car and take him home. Okay, maybe not. Let’s try something subtler.

Here’s how to get your ex-boyfriend back:

You need to make him feel terrible for breaking up with you. He should feel like a dumbass for letting you go. That’s what you need to make him feel like if you want to get him back. You won’t get him back by spying and stalking him (stop checking his Facebook every 2 minutes), but by making him remember all the great times you had together, and making him imagine how nicer life could be if you were still together.

This requires you to make some radical changes in your life.

Stop and give at least 30 seconds of thought to each of the questions below. Answer honestly; Say it out loud to yourself.

  • What is it that went wrong in your relationship?
  • Why?
  • What is it that he did not like about your relationship?
  • What would you do differently if you got back together?
  • What did he love most about your relationship?
  • What did you love most?
  • What was restricting the love in your relationship the most? What was stopping it from growing further?
  • Did you give your absolute best to make the relationship work?

Think about these questions. Don’t be too critical of either him or yourself. All this emotional bullshit, arguing and blaming each other for crap is one of the reasons you might have broken up in the first place.

We rarely know what we have – until we lose it.

Now you know what you’ve lost, and you are about to get it back. Nobody can guarantee you that you’ll end up being together again – but, in at least 90% of the cases, it’s totally possible. You must believe in the possibility.

  • Why did you guys fall for each other in the first place?
  • What connected you?

There must have been something that he fell in love with in the first place.

  • Why did this disappear?
  • Did you take each other for granted?
  • Did you both get lazy about your relationship and just left it on autopilot?

The reason you must answer these questions to yourself is so that you can determine a couple of things. First, do you really want to get him back, will you be happy or are you just lonely right now, but deep inside you know that it probably won’t work out if you get back together? You must believe that things will work out between the two of you and that you can be happy together again. Otherwise, if you don’t have total belief in this relationship, then it’s not worth trying to get him back.

I’ll assume you’ve decided that things can work out between you and him, so now, the question is – what can you do so that he believes in your relationship too?

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#1 Get Better

 

As mentioned above, you need to be better than what he remembers you to be. Hotter. Way hotter. This can be a huge motivator to any guy to get back together. It’s important that you don’t see each other for some time, and then once you do – he is just blown away by how much prettier you’ve become.

This will make him feel horrible that he can’t have you anymore whenever he wants. Desire kicks in, and now he feels like an idiot for not staying with you. After he runs into you, he’ll think “Gosh, she looks amazing!” – just wait to see his jaw drop when he sees how you look 5 times better. I know this sounds shallow, but it works simply because most guys think with what they’ve got in their pants, not with their heart or brain. Even if he’s a pretty smart guy, physical attraction can be the first step to getting your ex-boyfriend back. It’s just the first step, but it’s a crucial one – ’cause now you’ve got your foot in the door. You throw a hook and wait for him to bite.

#2 Forgive Him

 

The second step to getting your ex back is forgiveness. You’ll never be able to be together again if you can’t forgive each other. Initiate this yourself. Why did you break up? Did you cheat, did he cheat, did the love evaporate, or you got bored, what is it? It doesn’t really matter the point is that you give each other a clean slate. Don’t talk about what happened in the past with him.

Start over. Click the reset button. Whatever he did wrong – get over it. Forgive yourself if you’ve made mistakes and forgive him, you are both guilty in one way or another, and reminding each other about it won’t help. You can’t get back together if you are enemies, so stay close to each other by forgiving. Let the past go. Every day is a new opportunity for you to have a better life with a great guy, maybe it’s him – and now that you’re starting over, you’ve learned from your mistakes, but you can continue on only when you manage to forgive.

#3 Don’t Find a New Guy

 

Listen, sure, finding some new dude may be okay for you as a bandade, but it won’t help you get your ex-boyfriend back. You should make him jealous in a smarter way. Like, he should see that there are guys mingling around you, but don’t let him see that you’ve actually found someone. Don’t post stupid, drunken-party pictures on Facebook of you making out with some random dude.

That definitely won’t help, he’ll just hate you and he’ll feel hurt, almost as if you were cheating on him. Instead… he has to see that you are still emotionally available for him, you just need some space and time to heal after your break up. Hint him that you might like to get back together, but don’t attack him about it. Give him space and see how he reacts.

#4 Change Yourself

 

Look, if you’re serious about this guy and you really want him back in your life, then you must change. Changing may not be easy, but it’s necessary if you want your relationship to be better than the last time. It’s quite simple. If you keep doing what you’ve been doing – you’ll keep getting the same results. So don’t expect a happily ever after, supercool happy ending if you aren’t willing to do things differently than you did before, otherwise you’ll just end up breaking up again.

So, find out what messed up your relationship and work on it. Were you too cranky, moody, jealous, demanding, insane, nagging-all-day, not giving him his space and freedom, disrespectful, got fat, made out with another guy, or you just sucked in bed? Whichever it was – fix it. He needs to see that, after a month or so of breaking up, you are progressing; suddenly you became a different person. But do it for you, not for him. Once he sees how much different you became he’ll wish you never broke up in the first place, he’ll want to give the whole thing another chance too.

#5 Initiate Contact

 

Now, it’s time to actually get back in touch with your ex. It depends; maybe you didn’t see each other, or talk, for months, or even a year. Maybe you just broke up two weeks ago and everything is still very emotional and fresh. Either way, you can’t get back together with him over the phone, so you need to see each other.

My suggestion, from a male perspective, having sex immediately once you meet up again may be a wrong choice. Even if you’ve been together for a long time before, it’s good to make everything seem new, and different. If he messed up, and that’s the reason you broke up, you shouldn’t make it that easy for him to get back together. Throw in some temptation.

He needs to desire you, a lot. Be sexy and provocative, but don’t sleep together the first time you meet to “catch up” and see whether he also wants to get back together or not. Let him think about you. Drop a hook, and make him feel horrible when he sees how much you’ve improved, how well you are doing, how sexy you look and how your life is taking another direction. Don’t try to fake it. He knows you and he’ll know whether you’re full of crap or not.

For real, change yourself for the better; let him see that and he’ll want to be part of it. But you won’t let him back into your world overnight – even if you really, really want to get him back, don’t. You both need some time to appreciate each other for other things then sex. And when the sex does come, it better be mind-blowing. Then again, don’t be clingy and don’t call him every day after that – love all over again – instead, take your time. Let him think about you and worry a bit.

You had sex, but do you want to get back together or not? Let him wonder and guess, let him compare you to other women he might have been with since you were apart. He’ll soon realize what a mistake he’s made, and he’ll never want to make that mistake (breaking up with you) again.

The point isn’t just that you get your ex back, but that you KEEP him. Often folks just have sex again, once or twice, but things don’t work out and they end up breaking up again. So don’t take anything for granted. Make sure he has the best night of his life when you make up, but after that don’t drop into your “old” relationship with your ex, instead – create something new.

Keep it different. All the bad experiences you had in the past with him, everything that reminds you of those not-so-happy experiences – try to avoid them. Change your apartment if you can, move, have some tangible things that are different, clothes, your perfume, anything that makes him feel as if he was with a new you, a better you, that he’ll never want to let go no matter what.

When you guys meet up for dinner/coffee, whatever, don’t talk about the past , why you broke up and stuff like that. Ask him what’s new in his life, how he’s doing, maybe remind him of something nice that only you know about him that you can both laugh about it. Keep the conversation light. Super-emotional, could-a, would-a, should-a stuff will just bring you back to where you were.

Then and there, don’t analyze, argue or talk about negative stuff. Turn the page. Keep walking in a new direction. It’s your ex-boyfriend that will become your new girlfriend, it’s you – his ex-girlfriend, that will become a new girlfriend. Give each other a clean slate. When you leave the place, don’t kiss. Give him a deep gaze, let your eyes, not your mouth say: I love you.

Let him see it, but don’t say it. Tell him you had a great time, and that you could meet up some time to hang out… he will feel like his leg was chopped of for not kissing, but he will know that you want more, that there might be a new, bright future for the two of you. All night he’ll be flipping around in bed, thinking about how beautiful you are and how much he wants to get back with you. I’m not saying you should be ice-cold when you meet up, on the contrary, be cold, but a bit mysterious, make him wonder.

Don’t just throw it in his face that you still love him and that you want him back. Be stronger than your emotions. Give the whole “getting back together” process some time; make a good foundation for that future you’ll build together.

#6 The Night of His Life

 

Okay, as mentioned before, eventually, you’ll end up at his or your place, taking your clothes off. This night is what will decide whether you’ll get him back or not. I know this sounds shallow, but it’s the truth.

Men are comparing creatures and whether you want him to or not, he’ll subconsciously compare you to other women in his life. Maybe he’s with some new girl right now, and that’s the one you need to take him back from. How do you make sure that this won’t just be a one-night-stand with your ex-boyfriend?

You must be mind-blowing. Everything about you needs to blow his mind. From yourlingerie, to your smell, your look, your soft skin, your whole energy and aura needs to excite him to a level he did not know is possible. The moment when he reaches climax is the moment he’ll figure how brilliant you are and how stupid he was to ever leave you.

This may put pressure on you and make you feel self-conscious, and it should. The fact is, you conquer a man’s heart by conquering what’s in his pants, like no other woman ever could. Everything after that is easier. Yet again, this night needs to be different than in the past. It should not remind you too much of the time you were together before, it needs to be better.

This is why it’s ideal if you do it at your place, ’cause then you can prepare a bit, you can make the atmosphere amazing. Anything you’ve not been doing in the past, but know he loves, now’s the time to get with the program. You never gave him oral when you were together before? Are you too shy to talk dirty? Do you hide under the cover?

Think about what you could do better to show him the best night of his life with you and you’ll triple your chances of getting him back.

Hate me all you want for telling you this, but it’s what works and what has worked for thousands of women around the world that got back and kept their ex-boyfriends.

#7 Don’t Take Anything for Granted

Seems like you’ll get him back. You’ve seen each other a couple of times and things are going good. It seems like all will work out great! But wait, and re-think it. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking all is good now and that you’ll just be fine… you may not. People that get back together tend to go back to their old, real ways, because they did not make any real, fundamental changes to their lives.

It was just a mask. Beware, as if you both go back to your old ways of arguing and dealing with problems, you’ll get back to where you were – apart.  Don’t let that happen. Don’t get lazy and don’t take things for granted. The first few weeks of being together again as also the first few weeks where he’s most likely to “run for his life” and leave you or just decide that you shouldn’t have gotten back together in the first place.

How can you prevent this? Really, change. Make him change too. When you become better, you have the right to expect him to get better too. Build a relationship where you grow and improve together as individuals and partners, not enemy’s that slow each other’s progress down. He is not yours and never will be, not even when you both have a ring on your finger, so don’t view him as a thing you’ve got a right over, like owning a car or your shoes.

He can walk away and probably will if you treat him as property. Instead, view him as a customer. You want to make a loyal customer out of your boyfriend that isn’t forced to buy at your shop, but loves to “shop” at your store because he gets treated better than anywhere else. He then grows to need you, love you, and want you – every single day.

There’s more to getting your ex back than this post of course. Every situation is different and requires a slightly different approach. Hopefully at least one tip from above rings a bell and gets you closer on your path to getting Mr. Right back to where he should be, with you, the perfect girlfriend for him.  Once you get him back, don’t take him for granted – a relationship… love… is something you must work on and maintain so that the fire keeps burning, if you just leave it unattended it’ll either go out or get out of proportion and burn down a whole forest.

Laziness is why most relationships fail, and that’s what happens when people take each other for granted. Don’t be one of those couples. Take initiative if he doesn’t, you can totally do it! I believe in you.

Believe in Long Distance Relationship

Sometimes it was easy. We mastered the sixteen-hour time difference and knew each other’s schedules by heart. Other times, like when I went on a spring break trip in Thailand and lived in a bungalow for three nights without any way to communicate with the outside world, no electricity, and toilets that ceased to flush, it wasn’t quite as easy. I went through periods of deep sadness during which all I wished for was to see his face in real life rather than through a pixelated computer screen. And of course, there was the inevitable, social-media-induced jealousy. Who the F*** was that girl standing next to my boyfriend in the background of that picture behind that stack of red solo cups, kind of smiling? And why was she within a fifty foot radius of him? Yet over time, the little moments of jealousy became less common. Days in Australia slowly turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, and finally, it was time to come home.

Today, after successfully making it through my semester abroad with my relationship still intact, my boyfriend is working in Sweden while I finish out my senior year of college. And so, the realities of a more elongated LDR, filled with unfortunate images of beautiful, tall, Swedish blondes, have begun to set in. At this point, however, I consider myself a veteran and feel it is my duty to impart some wisdom on any other brave souls who find themselves unwittingly subjected to such madness. Here are several guidelines to reference in case you find yourself struggling, as I surely have:

1)   Keep Calm and Skype On.

Make Skype your new best friend. Skype in the morning, Skype in the evening, Skype in the afternoon. Have a side of Skype with dinner and sleep with your computer under your pillow in case you receive a Skype call.

2)   Live, Laugh, Reassure. 

The more reassurance you provide each other, the more confident and happy you’ll feel. Sometimes when there are multiple oceans between you and your significant other, a few more “I love you’s” make all the difference. Guys — feel free to throw in a couple extra “you’re beautifuls” or “woah, I’m so lucky’s,” for good measure.

3)   Visitation rights. 

Make sure to visit each other as much as you can. Try not to go more than a few months without seeing your boyfriend or girlfriend because if you do, you will develop separation anxiety, and you will go crazy… and die.

4)   Find support from friends.

Oftentimes your friends will be skeptics like I was. Explain to them that you know what you are doing — that you love them — but if they have a problem with your life choices, they can kindly leave.

5)   Oh, and lastly, always follow your heart.

Because no matter how seemingly impossible the circumstance, sometimes you just have to, well, let love happen.